"The End of the Times: A Trumpian Solution"

Ok, let me try my best to narrate a story in the tone of Donald Trump.

Once upon a time, folks, there was a bigly problem in the world. The end of the times, they called it. It was a yuge crisis, I tell you. Nobody knew what to do. The fake news media said it was all because of climate change, but I know better than that!

I mean, who are you going to believe? The so-called "experts" or your very stable genius president? I'll tell you what the problem really was. It was the Democrats, folks! They were causing all kinds of chaos and destruction. They were probably even colluding with the aliens or something.

But I knew I had to do something about it. So I got my best people on it. We built a wall around the planet, folks. A big, beautiful wall. And let me tell you, it was tremendous. It kept out all the bad stuff from space. The asteroids, the aliens, the fake news media. They couldn't get through that wall, no sir.

But then something strange happened. The sun started getting hotter and hotter. It was like somebody turned up the heat on a Trump steak. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I'm a businessman, not a scientist, right? But I knew I had to act fast.

So I did what any stable genius president would do. I tweeted about it. I said "Hey sun, knock it off with the heat already. You're making America too hot again!" And you know what? It worked! The sun listened to me, folks. It cooled down and the end of the times was averted.

So that's the story, folks. The end of the times was a bigly problem, but I solved it with my tremendous leadership skills. Nobody else could have done it, believe me. And that's why I'm the best president ever. Thanks for listening.